


RESUME FOR Vader, Lord Darth

by frodogenic



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2016-09-21
Packaged: 2018-08-16 13:53:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8104921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frodogenic/pseuds/frodogenic
Summary: Experienced Sith Lord seeking full-time employment in the field of total galactic domination.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So, a few years ago, I applied for one too many jobs. This happened.

* * *

**DARTH VADER**

* * *

 

_Comlink:_ 666.666.6666                                             

_Holonet:_ darth.vader@imp.nav.mil    

2187 Imperial Palace Blvd, Quarters AA-23                         

Imperial City, Coruscant

 

* * *

**OBJECTIVE**

* * *

 

 

To rule 100% of the known galaxy and a target 25% of the unknown galaxy with a selectively chosen Force-empowered sidekick (Jedi need not apply).

 

 

* * *

**EDUCATION**

* * *

 

 

**Mos Espa Technical Community Training Center**

  * Certificate in **Antiquated Machinery Maintenance** and **Droid Construction**
  * Curriculum Vitae: _POD110-PE (Introduction to Podracing), BUS112 (Basics of Bartering), HUT142 (Huttese – Human Dialect), ORS107-CC (Introduction to Outer Rim Studies), PHI103 (Survival of the Fittest), DES114 (Desert Survival Training), GAM321 (Gambling for Amateurs)_



 

**Jedi Temple: Academy of Holistic Force Studies**

  * Training Advisors: _Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jd.M; Yoda, Jd.M; Mace Windu, Jd.M_
  * Concentrations in **Martial Arts,** and **Negotiation**
  * _Summa cum forte_
  * Curriculum Vitae: _LTS590 (Advanced Djem-So), LTS720 (Competitive Dueling), SPN530 (Orbital Combat I), SPN531 (Orbital Combat II), POS473 (Legislative Theory), DIP564 (Aggressive Negotiations), HUT630 (Exploring Classic Huttese Literature), PHI518 (The Jedi-Sith Conflict), PHI673 (Evaluating Non-Attachment Philosophy and Its Effects), SOC428 (Conflict and Change in Alien Cultures), SOC440 (Interclass-Intraspecies Relationships)_



 

**Republic War College**

  * B.A. in **Tactics and Strategy**
  * Minor in **Astronavigation**
  * Practical Field Study Tours on Geonosis, Kamino, Virujansi, Felucia, and other locations



 

**Sheev Palpatine Institute for Unconventional Force Studies**

  * Training Advisor: _E. Palpatine, Sh.M_
  * Concentrations in **Advanced Martial Arts, State-Sponsored Violence** and **Dynamic Leadership**
  * Minor in **Strangulation Studies**
  * _Magna cum malus_
  * Curriculum Vitae: _ULTRA-CLASSIFIED_



 

 

* * *

**WORK EXPERIENCE**

* * *

 

 

**Pod Engine Scrubber (Watto's General Merchandise, Inc.)**

  * Worked independently to achieve daily quota of repaired engine parts
  * Provided flexible support to other departments of store as needed



 

**Loss-Prevention Officer (Watto's General Merchandise, Inc.)**

  * Processed unusual financial transactions
  * Defended merchandise against potential theft on a daily basis
  * Improved knowledge of useful professional skills (gambling, embezzlement, fraud, et al.)



 

**Caf Acquisition Officer (Jedi Council)**

  * Personally filled Mace Windu's caf mug up to twelve times per day
  * Developed mental agility in order to remember twelve separate caf orders while running down fifty-two flights of stairs to Temple Cafeteria



 

**Shaak Traffic Controller (Naboo Ministry of Nature Preservation)**

  * Directed and re-directed large herds of shaak in accordance with the directives of senior Nubian government officials, at great personal risk



 

**Intern (Office of Senator Padmé Amidala)**

  * Studied galactic-level political figures on a highly intimate level
  * Enjoyed extensive personal involvement in Senator Amidala's work
  * Capably and creatively met Senator Amidala's miscellaneous needs



 

**Tea Production Manager (Grand Army of the Republic)**

  * Personally filled Obi-Wan Kenobi's teacup up to thirty-one times per standard day
  * Mastered art of brewing sixty-four varieties of tea efficiently while under fire and orbital bombardment



 

**General (Grand Army of the Republic)**

  * Commanded crack infantry and starfighter squadrons in a variety of combat situations against extreme odds
  * Trained Jedi Padawans in the GAR Accelerated Officer Training Program
  * Won several dozen critical engagements. What.



 

**Master (Jedi Order)**

  * Learned to work with young people to the best of their admittedly limited ability.
  * Capably dealt with difficult situations such as temper tantrums, teamwork on battlefields, insubordination, "women's issues", etc, etc.



 

**General Manager (Imperial Jedi Extermination Services)**

  * Coordinated and executed the elimination of 10,000+ enemies of the state over the course of two years
  * Reduced operating costs by 62% through creative cost-cutting measures such as mass executions and use of energy-efficient weaponry



 

**Personal Assistant (Office of the Galactic Emperor)**

  * Personally filled His Imperial Majesty's hot chocolate mug at least fifty times per week
  * Assumed progressive responsibility for approximately 35% of all Imperial governing decisions, including but not limited to military operations, intelligence agencies, selective elimination of inconvenient persons, environmental disasters, charitable donations, and office supply acquisition for fourteen bureaucratic ministries



 

**Commander-in-Chief (Imperial Armed Forces)**

  * Exercised direct, total, absolute, irrevocable, and unequivocal command of the Imperial Navy, Army, Marines, and Merchant Marines, comprising over seventeen trillion Imperial military personnel, fifty trillion droid personnel, and an estimated google of civilian adjuncts
  * Honorary President of Imperial Military Academy of Carida
  * De Facto Heir to Imperial Throne
  * Official hot chocolate-maker to His Imperial Majesty the Emperor



 

 

* * *

**HONORS, RECOGNITIONS, AND AWARDS**

* * *

 

 

  1. First recipient of the Shmi M. Skywalker All-Star Son Award
  2. Champion, 1138th Boonta Eve Classic
  3. Recipient of the Nubian Royal Gratitude Award for Exceptional Services to the Cause of Freedom 
  4. Junior Padawan of the Year
  5. Basic Meditation: Most Improved
  6. Six-time All-Jedi Dueling Champion
  7. Voted "Hero With No Fear" by the Coruscant Times.
  8. Two-time recipient of the Senatorial Medal of Valor
  9. Co-author of _From Frontlines to Headlines: Reflections of a Jedi War Hero_
  10. Author of _And Then There Were None: A History of the Jedi Purges_
  11. GalactiVogue Weekly's Hottest Humanoid Award
  12. DroidXTreme Magazine's Cyborg of the Millennium
  13. First place, All-Core Freestyle Starfighter Modification Competition
  14. Chief Outside Engineering Consultant for Sienar Fleet Systems
  15. Number One, _List of Chief Enemies of the Alliance to Restore the Republic_ ; also voted "Most Feared Imperial Goon"



 

* * *

**LANGUAGES**

* * *

 

 

  1. Basic
  2. Huttese (Human, Hutt, Rodian, and Toydarian)
  3. UBLSC-SN (Universal Binary Light Signal Code: Space Navigation)
  4. Standard Binary Code



 

* * *

**INTERESTS AND HOBBIES**

* * *

 

 

  1. Long solo flights in hyperspace
  2. Superweapon construction
  3. Terrorizing underlings
  4. Brooding
  5. Stargazing
  6. Rebel hunting



 

* * *

**LICENSES AND CERTIFICATIONS**

* * *

 

 

  1. **Heavy Weapons Operator License** ; issued by Imperial Ministry of Licenses: Ordnance, Objects of Non-neutral Intent and Improvised Explosives (IML-OONIIE)
  2. **Unconventional Weapons License – Lightsaber** ; issued by Imperial Ministry of Non-neutral Objects – Jewel-base Energy Dependent Implements (IMNO-JEDI)
  3. **Concealed-Carry License – blaster, pocket knife** ; issued by Imperial Ministry of Light Offensive and Defensive Devices (IM-LODeD)
  4. **Certified Droid Repairman** , issued by the Reformed Organization of Biomimetic Operating Technologies: Droid Outfitting, Repairs, Calibrations, and Salvage (ROBOT-DORCS)
  5. **Astronavigation, Grade IV Space Pilot (Small, Mid, and Large Spacecraft), and Hyperdrive Operation Certifications,** issued by Imperial Ministry of Flight Licensing (IMFLi)
  6. **Combat Medic, Paramedic, and Paranormal Medic Certifications** ; issued by Galactic Republic Advanced Medical Practice Association (GRAMPA), confirmed by Imperial Ministry of Associated Doctors, Orthopedists, Clinical Technicians, Otolaryngologists, and Receptionists (IM-ADOCTOR)
  7. **Podracer Piloting License** ; issued by Jabba the Hutt
  8. **Master-grade Interrogator Certificate** ; issued by Imperial Ministry of Efficient and Violent Interrogation for Libertarians (IM-EVIL)



 

* * *

 

P.S. You WILL give me an interview...you WILL give me an interview...


End file.
